Coming out of the Closet

I had dinner with a colleague from work today. And before you ask; no, he is not interested in me. In fact, he's more likely to be interested in you, if you know what I mean, Anyway, we were talking about gay priests and the contradiction in their sexual orientation and their faith. The conversation became quite heated and we decided to let it rest.

It took me back to our own troubles on religion and faith. It was about a year and a half into our relationship, we were talking on the phone and I suggested that we go and see my Uncle Femi. Uncle Femi was the oldest in my dad's family and more importantly, he was atheist. I rationalised that if we wanted to amass family support, he was the best place to start. You agreed.

I called uncle Femi the next day and asked if I could come and see him, he said to come round in the evening. When you came to pick me up, you were in a suit, Seun you looked so good in a suit. Anyway, I burst out laughing; "Uncle Femi has met you a million times, why the suit?" I swear you almost blushed.

I loved you for making the effort, but I couldn't help taking the piss out of you all the way to my uncle's house. As we pulled up in front of his house, we both fell silent, this was it. No more lying, no more sneaking. We were coming out of the closet.

"Uncle mi", I hugged my uncle and knelt down before him. "Jide jo, since when do you kneel down, abi you are pregnant?" he said eying you suspiciously. "No oh!" I said, quick to dispel any such thoughts. All of a sudden I just burst in to tears, Uncle Femi was perplexed but I just kept crying. You knelt down beside me, put your hand in mine and started to talk.

"Uncle Femi, I love your niece, I have loved her for as long as I can remember, She loves me too. We want to be together. In fact, we are together. We have been dating fro over a year now." Uncle Femi raised his eyebrow but said nothing. You continued.

"Tinuke's dad is a pastor, her parents will never hear of her dating a Muslim, much less marrying one. My parents will agree with them, they are devout Muslims. But Uncle, surely it should be our choice, if we are prepared to take the chance, why should they stop us?"

Our parents will use religion to try and stop us, but they have another weapon, the fact that the both of us are AS and more than likely to have sickle cell kids. We know the risks and we have accepted them so that we can be together."

"Uncle, we came to you because your are the eldest and most open minded. We came to you because we are tired, tired of sneaking around, tired of hiding the love we feel, the love we feel should be celebrated. That is why Tinuke is crying," as you said this, you frowned at me and I knew you were thinking "cry baby, every small thing you will cry", I turned to
look at uncle Femi. "Uncle," I said, help us, we don't know where to turn". I held my breath as I waited for him to respond.

He looked at us and shook his head, "my children, I am flattered that you decide to confide in me, but I have to agreewith your parents. I don't think you kids have thought this through. I am not trying to patronise you but I feel it is my duty to ensure that you understand just what you are letting yourselves in for.

1. Where are you going to get married, your seperate parents will want a lavish muslim/christian celebration, there will be arguments between them as a result. Trust me I know
2. How are you going to raise your kids, I know you are still young and have probably not thought that far ahead but these are things you need to think about, are they to be raised muslim, christian, atheist, what?
3. Is one of you going to give up your faith, do you think that it is possible to have two faiths under one roof?
4. What if your child has sicke cell, have you thought about the impact this will have, the commitment, the worry?

"These are questions you need to ask each other, and from the vacant looks on your faces, I can see that you have not done this. Love is not enough my children, it is not enough. Go and think about what I have said, come back when you have talked things through. In the meantime, I will keep this to myself. Okay?"

We both stood up, my knees felt numb. You took your hand out of mine. I took this to mean something significant. We both thanked Uncle Femi and left, So much for coming out of the closet, we were right back where we started, only it was much more serious.

I better go before these memories overwhelm me

Always

Me