Friday, 22 February 2008

So I'm a Lousy First Date

I was out walking a few weeks ago and I bumped, quite literally into a tall and very handsome Nigerian man. It was so nice to see a fellow Nigerian that I forgot all the usual airs and graces. After we established our Nationalities, we talked for a minute. The usual what do you do, why Saudi, etc. Then he asked for my number, I gave it to him, I also gave him my email address. What may seem forward for a normal situation seemed the natural thing to do under the circumstances.

So he called me the next day and said we should go to dinner. I was excited. Something to do! On the day, I started wondering, is this a date? or just two fellow Nigerians hooking up? I wore a black dress, you can never go wrong in black. He was 15mins late in picking me up. I know 15mins is not a big deal but he didn't even apologise for being late.

We get to the restaurant and it's this quaint little pizzeria that I found quite endearing. fine dining it was not but it was warm and cosy and gave us the chance to talk. This guy spent the whole time talking talking about how rich he was and how hard he works and how girls throw themselves at him (I swear!!) He didn't even try and get to know me and I just kept staring at him wondering if it was really possible for anyone to talk nonstop for so long without stopping to breathe.

After a while, he notices that I have hardly said a word and says " you are a quiet one aren't you?"

I didnt know quite what to say, quiet? er not quite, maybe if you had let me get a word in edge ways, maybe if you weren't so self obsessed. maybe.

I just nodded in agreement. I looked at my watch, had it really only been 30 mins? I groaned inwardly. I decided to make a conscious effort. Maybe he was just trying to impress me. Maybe if i let him know that he doesn't have to try so hard. I take a deep breath.

You know, it is always nice to see a self assured man, especially at your age.

Mhmm, I have always been confident, some call it arrogance but you don't get where I am by being timid.

How is Saudi, I am still finding my feet.

Its the same as all the other cities in the world, if you are rich, girls want you. I am so bored with women I tell you


What is your 10 yr plan?

Er, its kinda hard to answer that question, I really don't know, Depends on where I find myself, I would definitely like to work for....

No I mean, marriage etc. You must have a plan. Don't tell me that you are just working on your career.

At this point he cocks his eyebrow in a way that made me want to slap that smirk of his face.

Well, I guess I am. Man proposes and all that.

That is bullshit and you know it (excuse me?) you women forget that having kids has an expiry date

Can we change the subject please


Because I am in danger of forgetting my manners and poking your eyes out you arrogant prick.

Because I don't really think I need to justify myself to a man I just met.

He silently watches me for a second.

Then he continues his rant about his rolls Royce or his many employees who drive him round the bend. As my eyes were starting to glaze over he mentions a name I recognise. A friend of mine, I perked up, but i had missed what he said. Could he really be friends with my sweet, kind hearted gentlemanly friend. I wanted to casually ask but he looked like he was ready to go and I was grateful that the ordeal was wrapping up.

As he pulled up to my house, he made no effort to open the door, so as I reached for the door, he held my hand.

Don't go, why don't you come back to mine, my housekeeper made a lovely tiramisu.

No thanks, couldn't eat another bit.

So come back for coffee

No thanks


I almost laughed in his face but my mother raised a polite munchkin. Instead, I just yanked the door open. As I did, he leaned into me as if to kiss me. I ducked and got out the car. As he drove off, I looked on in amazement.

A couple of days later, I called our mutual friend and casually brought up Mr arrogant.

"Oh, no way!"!

"No way what," I asked

"Are you the lousy first date?"


"He said he had a date with a girl who didn't say two words, so much so that he began to doubt her ability to string sentences together."


I started to laugh,

"What is funny. Is it you?"

"Yep", I answered, "I guess I am a lousy date."