Yesterday's joy has become today's pain
Memories I celebrated I now mourn
You died but it was me that stopped living
Convinced that my existence was impossible without you
Laughing fills me with such guilt
How dare I laugh when my love cannot hear me
My love died but it was me that stopped living
Convinced that happiness and me had parted ways for always
I catch myself sometimes forgetting about you
For a second or a minute, Its just me.
Did I die with you?
Am I still living?
The time has come for me to make a choice,
Living like I am dead is killing me
I love you and I always will
But you died Papa; And not me.
2 years and counting, they say the pain gets easier. Bullshit.
They say it gets easier, but only when you let go
Let go of my baby... Never
They say you let go when you passed away
Now its my turn
I am letting go Papa.
Thank you for loving me
Always
Me
21 comments:
this brought tears to my eyes.
i want to quote you but u know what u wrote, and how u felt writing it
better than i ever can.
letting go can be so hard.. but i'm glad you're starting to.
you'l heal
ignorant question: is this story for real? its really touchin i just wanted to be sure. let urself heal. God is in control in time ur mourning will be turned to joy. just let Him have His way.
PLEASE TELL ME THIS STORY IS NOT FOR REAL.
Although I am sure it is, chai my heart is heavy for you o.
I suppose you can try to imagine and ask what will Seun wish for me right now.
You can never forget, even when you don't think of him, it does not mean you have forgotten.
My Dear...am happy you r healing and deciding to let go...and although you are letting go..it DOESNT mean u will ever forget ..but celebrate his life and the love you guys had...This story has brought tears to my eyes and the loved ones I have shared it with....may his soul rest in perfect peace...and am sure he is watchn over you always.......
God knows why...Stay strong and stay blessed!!! It will ease with time and there is no limit on that....
girl uve got me in tears, everytime i read ur blog i cry, ive neva left a comment cos everytime i read a post ma stomach turns n ma eyes r always blurry. Ur a very strong person 2 write this story and i am proud of u.
u're a strong woman, u should let go and let God.
am close 2 tears.thank God ur healing.may his soul rest in peace,amen!!
wow...I'm speechless...Im glad ur ready to move on. Let Jesus take the wheel.
Bless
omg, just went through reading ur whole blog and wooooowwww, im so sorry for ur loss but so happy u felt that way for someone, some people live this life and never feel true love but you have which is really good, May God continue to grant u the fortitude to bear ur loss, it is well! great blog!
Sweet heart, Thank God you are getting over it. I am sure there are other things in life but Papa will always have a place in your heart. Like they say let go and let God and all will be well.......He lives in You!
'They said you let go when you passed away' He didnt let go and i'm sure if he had control he will be with you and I hope you are not saying that cos you want to 'pass away'too. i'm sure Seun will want you to go on living. so please dont think about 'passing'
awwww hunie..
all will be well...in Jesus name
tinuke love, my heart is extremely heavy and i have cried through reading. never commented, never could bring myself too.
i feel ur pain terribly, i know it has been so hard 4 u, even harder to write. girl u r strong, to even write and hold it steadfast. that same strength i believe would see u through.
thank God 4 always being there to turn to.
am still in tears, i dont even know what to write.
may the peace of God help u through it all.
Oh my, my my....
baby girl,
its time to move on..
i know how hard it is,in less than two years i lost my father(july 2005) AND my kid sister(feb,2007).
and its true,they say it will heal,girl i repeat,its bullshit.
the pain NEVER goes away,time just makes it more bearable.
days ive felt guilty for daring to LIVE,to MOVE-ON,to be HAPPY.
those days i would say to myself,"u are here laughing and baby-k, is all alone in a grave somewhere,lying cold,with nobody to talk to,or daddy is all alone" etc.
but my dear,i learnt that no matter how much i think i am able to love them or whatever care etc i can show to them,GOD that i have questioned so many times has a better deal for them up there.
and do you know how i deal with the pain?
i talk to them,like they are there,everyday,especially my sister,i just talk to her,and you know her name IS seun too(i find it difficult to refer to her in the past)because to me she still exists,why not?
along the way,ive known grief in ways unimaginable,cried tears to the extent that i thought my eyes would pop out,hated God,and then hated him some more,had my faith tested,because losing someone is the worst thing that can ever happen.because IT CANNOT be rectified.
so what else babygirl,but to hold unto the best memories,and move on...learn from it and live like each dat is your last.cry when you want to,miss papa,love him,let him hold a spot in your heart.BUT dont let it overwhelm you.because until you are also laid 6feet below,you are still living,you have hope.life..
so live,and just remember the goodtimes,laugh over the bad ones too.(cus believe me,my dad and i had a tempestous relationship,but i wouldnt have swapped him for any other dad)and as for my sister,we had fights etc,but now i remember them and smile.
let go,BUT hold on.and when you are happy,please my dear,DONT FEEL GUILTY.
for all you know,papa might be having a great time with the heavenlies and wondering why silly you dont wanna move on.
last week was my late sisters 21st birthday.
i just asked for one thing,while my other siblings went to her grave in lagos,i just asked God to throw her the best damn party heaven has ever witnessed.
cus baby k loved to have a great time and she loved her God more.
so what better way to herald a new year in her life.
live my dear..live.
ill be praying for you.
and may papas soul rest in perfect peace.
amen
May the lord almighty be with you and comfort you in your time of need(amen)....i lost my mother a couple years ago under very unfortunate circumstances(she was killed by hired assasins right in my house and they were never found) and i`ve struggled to move on. it is hard, but with God, nothing is impossible. a lot of times, i struggle to understand such senseless killings but i just cant grasp the concept. i was in denial for years, but i`ve come to accept it. Honey, i know it hurts, but put your trust in jesus, and i know he will heal you. of course, there will be times when you just wanna....(insert whatever) and it`s ok, but at the end of that, just know that if you seek God and truly believe in him, he will intervene. i stil wonder why God allowed such a thing to happen and it just hurts so bad. so, for the most part, i just try to live my life despite such sadness because i know she would have wanted me to. Every mother`s day, christmas, new year/all holidays hurts, but it also trully reminds me of the joy of having had such a wonderful mother. some kids never even had that opportunity, at least i had mine for 16 years.
just pray to God and seek him bcuz you do need him. Take care honey!
I hope this blog has given you some sort of closure. Please take care of yourself and give yourself permission to live. God bless.
all will be well.
if this story is real, I am grateful for the priviledge to share it with you like thia and I admire the courage it took you to do so
Girl, i came over here initially to invite you to view my blog. Then i found myself reading your posts and almost two hour later, i'm still reading and still crying...
I would still send you the invite love.
Please take care of you and stay strong.
who are you? wats ur real name? wats his real name? please let me hug u.
Thank you for sharing your story.
this is your book. publish. let us read in detail. publish. this is your gift to him. let us hold it in our hands and be happy for your love
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