Moving On, Moving In.

Leaving home was not as hard as I thought it would be. Granted, it would have been much harder if I didn't have you and Labake in my corner. Labake, bless her heart was so supportive. She gave up her study so that I could move in, she decided to be my voltron when all those over-sabi church members kept calling me to give their two penny advice. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, But it was hard.


I was angry that my dad had found it so easy to throw me away, like I was a used tissue, that my mum never stood up to him and went along with whatever he decided, surely she didn't agree with his decision? I was angry that Tokunbo didn't want to get involved, Tokunbo always sat on the fence. I was angry but I knew that even if they said I should come home, I wouldn't. Unless they accepted you and the likelihood of that happening was a million to one.


A couple of months after I moved into Labake's, you announced that you were getting your own place, I was glad. It was about time too. You came to pick me up from the station one day after work and drove me to this nice street in Golders Green. Inside, the first thing that hit me was not how spacious the living room was, or how warm and homey it already felt. What hit me was how familiar the place was. Upon closer inspection, I realised that it felt familiar because a lot of my things were there. My pictures were on the unit, My cushions were on the sofa. I walked to the bedroom and pushed the door open; on the bed was the teddy you had given me last Christmas, my clothes in the wardrobe, my towels on the rack.


I understood what you were trying to do but in that moment, I felt anger rise inside me like bile and straight out of my mouth. "Seun, how dare you invade my privacy like this, moving my things, assuming that I was ready to live with you. Did you ask me? I don't know the magic you used to get my things here but please use the same magic and return them" With that I stalked off.


I walked out of the house and almost sprinted the five minutes to the station. On the way I started to think; Labake obviously has a hand in this. I got out of the tube and went back to hers. I used my key, Labake looked surprised to see me. "Labake", I started, without even waiting for her to reply, "if you want me to leave your house, all you have to do is ask, you didn't need to go as far as to move my things for me"


Labake looked at me for what felt like forever before speaking."This babe, before you sabotage yourself, let me give you some advice. Don't push those closest to you away because you are afraid. That poor boy went through hell and high water lugging your heavy things over to that house, making what he thought was a sweet, heart felt gesture. If you are not ready, then say you are not ready. Have I ever done anything to make you feel unwelcome? You owe Seun an apology, and me for that matter"


I was scared. You were the man I wanted to spend my life with, I had given so much up for you but moving in seemed so final. I had panicked and although I realised you were trying to be sweet, I felt that you had excluded me from what was a big decision. I wasn't ready for such a move, not yet anyway.


I called you. "Papa", I said once you had picked up. "Baby, are you okay", you asked. In that moment, I remembered why I loved you, why I was willing to fight to be with you, I knew my outburst had hurt you and I wished I could take it back.


"I am fine", I replied. "Papa, I am so sorry for the way I behaved, I know you were trying to be sweet and I know it must have taken you all day to move my things "


"There's no need to apologise, I made the wrong call, you are not there yet, I understand."


I started to think; What was I doing? I love you, there will never be a right time. "Papa, I am ready. I'm coming back."


"I'll pick you up"


I picked up my bag and tried to ignore Labake's smug I told you so smile.


God really did bless me with good friends, who always tell you the truth whether you want to hear it or not. And you, God blessed me with you.

Always
Me