2 Months on. Tsk Tsk.

This is really becoming a bad habit- I deserve a spanking (Any takers?)

These last few months have been eventful, where does one start….. Moved to Abu Dhabi, I am finally enjoying the Middle East. There is H&M and everything. Moving was such sweet joy. Didn’t realise how unhappy I was until I was leaving. Gosh, may I never make such a drastic and impulsive decision again, Oh wait, Isn't that what I am kinda doing now? But its definitely out of the fire back into the frying pan, than the other way around, I can dress how I like, drink what I like. Sweet freedom

So I told Brown that I loved him. I didn’t mean to, He didn’t say it first or anything, it just came out. Brown is a Mr Fix It. Whatever the problem; he just has a knack for solving things. I say I am tired of my location but there are no available positions anywhere else in my company- He makes a few calls and I’m on my way to Abu Dhabi. I say I moving will be a nightmare- He organises my move so all I have to do is pack my clothes (and only because he didn’t want some pervy mover sniffing through my unmentionables) Even problems that are beyond his super-powers, Take for instance the time when I had period pains that were so bad that I was curled up in the foetal position all day, He went out and bought a hot water bottle and a duck feather??? With the hot water bottle on my lower back he stroked my upper back with the feather until I fell asleep. I slept for 8hrs straight and when I woke up, I felt so much better.

It’s so bad now that I call him automatically without trying to see if I can solve my own problems. I told him I was getting dependent on him; he said that was his master plan.

Anyway, we were in Chicago, me for a conference, Him for the sake of it. It was my mums birthday on the same day-a Thursday, and I had totally forgotten. At around 6, I remembered. Trying not to panic I called toks to ask him to add my name to the present he bought. Toks’s phone was going to voicemail. 7pm- Still going to voicemail. I remembered that he said he was going to Angola. My poor mum, two of her kids away, and knowing toks, out of sight is definitely out of mind.

Brown bounded into the hotel room and crashed the party for two that misery and I were having. After a 2 minute, what is wrong conversation and a leave it with me reassurance, I bade Misery farewell knowing that my mum would get at the very least a beautiful bunch of flowers.

Two hours later, my mum rings me and starts chastising me, “why are you wasting your money” “My extravagant daughter”. From the conversation with my mum I get the gist- Brown got someone to buy an extremely expensive LV bag that my mum has been eying for 2 months. She mentions the bag to all who will hear and then when asked if she wants us to buy it, she vehemently refuses and forbids us- and continues telling every one that will listen about the bag.

She was almost in tears and I could tell that she was ecstatic. I would never in a million yrs have bought that bag, not just because of the 1.8k price tag, but because it was an extremely ugly bag. But just hearing the joy in her voice, made me want to buy her the bag all over again. In one “Brown” move, I had gone from inconsiderate child to the best daughter in the world. I remember pointing the bag out to Brown, in a fleeting moment, certainly not enough for him to remember the make or indeed the bag, Like I said- Brown is Mr Fix It (Complete with super powers)

When Brown came back I jumped on him and after showering him with kisses, said I love you. It just came out. I didn’t mean to say it.

“Do you?”

I changed the subject and he didn’t push it.


Ooh, lemme tell you guys what happened to me last month-

Brown and I went t o a very small Italian restaurant by Camden Lock. There was one female toilet and one male. Anyway, after having a bottle of wine and some dodgy pasta, my tummy began to make some funny noises. I excused myself and went in search of the toilet. It was only after doing my business that I realised that there was no tissue. If there had been more than 1 toilet I would have scuttled off to the next one to find some tissue. So I waited… (No bag no phone) And waited, imprisoned by a lack of tissue and embarrassed at having done my “business” in a public toilet.

After about 15 minutes (hours in my head), Brown came and knocked on the door.

“T, are you okay, you’ve been in there for a while”

I wanted to die. Damn restaurant staff causing me such embarrassment
Damn me for not checking to make sure. Oh ground, swallow me, please.

I said I was okay. He asked again, I replied the same.

2 minutes later, a lady staff member comes into the toilet and knocks, you okay in there,

Of course I am not, I have been held hostage by a lack of toilet paper, what do you think.!!!!

“No” I answered meekly, grateful for the reprieve. After explaining the predicament, she went away and came back with a roll of precious paper.

I don’t think I have ever been so embarrassed in all my life.